Monday, July 11, 2011

Scatterbrain Tuesday

I’ve been working on a new smile lately. You know, just tinkering around the laboratory and trying to come up with something new. I’ve always had sort of a closed mouth, head tilted, kind of dipshit grin that I’ve always used. While said dipshit grin has been good enough for years, I have recently decided to change it up. I’ve come up with a mouth agape, mid-laugh kind of smile.

I came up with this new smile while I was at the gym – really the only place where I look at myself in the mirror. I was sitting on a bench and in between sets I’d try out new kind of smiles – big, wrinkly smiles, cocky half-smiles, and every tooth smiles (to name a few). I came up with the mid-laugh smile as I was laughing at myself doing this at the gym.

I doubt anyone noticed me doing this.

Does McDonalds have a predominately black consumer base? This isn’t meant to be racist or anything but why are their commercials urban/hip-hop oriented? Have they done some research that shows that more black people eat there? I eat there sometimes, and my wife buys coffee from McDonalds quite often. Maybe they should have some yuppie white people in their commercials, too. For that matter, my area of town is mostly Hispanic and there are always tons of Hispanics there. Let’s get some Mickey D’s commercials that have Latin stereotypes, too.

I’ve NEVER seen an Asian person there though.

They got their marketing campaign right with that one.

My introduction to higher level vocabulary began with old episodes of The Simpsons. In fact, most of my knowledge of American culture can be traced back to learning it first on The Simpsons.

Everything goes back to The Simpsons.

As most of you know, I am a high school teacher and coach. I also coach little kid swimming as well. That usually takes all of the first month of summer. That month is over and now I have nothing to do. I watch House Hunters on HGTV and play Words with Friends. I need to come up with a legit hobby. Maybe I could scrapbook – the female equivalent of Worlds of Warcraft. Maybe I could start making model airplanes or cars. Maybe I could start making garbage art; I could pick up cigarette butts around my neighborhood and make things with them. A cigarette butt cowboy riding a cigarette butt cow, anyone? Maybe I could cut out pictures of magazines and find something to do with that. I could have the foremost collection of Nick Nolte pictures in America; there is one with him holding a punch of pool noodles in this week’s Us Weekly. Sounds like a start.

Don’t all of those things sound like something someone does when they are waiting for something else to do? Like, I paint model airplanes because I’m waiting for my pot roast to finish in the oven. When my roast is out, I’ll put my toys away and eat.

Maybe I could write a blog.

A funny blog, this time.


  1. Everything goes back to The Simpsons. Amen to that.

    I used to bide my summer time with each of those hobbies you described. Unfortunately, this summer I have the new baby boy to keep me distracted so I don't have the time to do any of the usual things.

  2. I think Oprah has done the same thing, practicing her mouth agape, teeth showing, smile. She always has that same smile on the cover of her magazines. She has nice teeth.

  3. Haha, great run down of things. And new smiles are necessary from time to time. And no way anyone saw you at the gym :)

  4. Ha, I try to do the mid-laugh smile for pictures. It always turns out looking like I have downs syndrome or something.